For years I have told potential clients “Whether you are not sure about getting divorced or you are the one absolutely sure it is necessary, get as much therapy as possible, especially if the other spouse will attend.” I am a firm believer that it is human nature to want to have a partner in life. Admittedly humans do not always choose the right one and there are times that no amount of therapy would or should put a relationship back together. The great part about therapy is that it can show you if this is the right type of relationship or the wrong one too!
If the relationship should stay together or can be helped back into a better place, Great! If not, then you will have spent lots less money than just hiring an attorney and especially if one partner did not want the divorce, the therapist can assist in helping them see why this may be a better option. If you think attorneys and traditional divorce are expensive, then have one partner wanting to keep the marriage alive and they will do anything to make it last longer and thus be more costly under the belief that “we can stay together if the other spouse just sees how much I love them!” This is not a good place to start the divorce.
Conversely if both parties can see that it is over or should be over, that they can both save lots of money and get out with as little emotional strain and pain as they can, then it will usually settle more quickly. This equates to less money to lawyers and other professionals in their case.
If there is/are minor child(ren) then a good therapist can really help guide the co-parenting partners into better communication, better co-parenting skills and guide you through a very rough time in your lives. If both parties will access therapy then the emotional toll on the family will be greatly reduced, if not eliminated. Let’s face it we all had kids with the sole intention of protecting them at all costs. Hey, that’s what parents do. So why not protect them in what could be their toughest times? Don’t deceive yourself that “they’re too young to know what is going on with their father/mother and me.” Kids have that insane quality to see everything, no matter their ages.
There is the additional benefit from therapy that most humans have a rather innate characteristic to actually get out of one bad relationship and then, no matter how much they insist (if not yell to the heavens!) they will never be with that type of personality again, they will walk right back into the same type of relationship as they had before. Believe me no one wants to admit that they will do so, but it is a know fact that we all have this tendency. Therapy will help guide you out of this trap!
So let’s save the family dynamic, help hold down costs and, if kids are involved, have the added benefit that it may just help them through this time regardless of how we handle it. I hope this gives you some insight to what we as divorce professionals try to see families do to benefit the process and help themselves and their families through this very difficult time in their lives. Hey divorce is tough enough, if you can ease the strain and pain (and save some or a lot of money) just do it!